Changes :)

Isn't it funny how God sometimes takes all the plans you had (and thought was His plans for you as well) and then kinda throws them away and seems to say, "No, I want this for you instead." And you're like, really? I thought it was all planned out and this was the way it was going to be? With God, you really need to learn to be flexible because you never know when and where His plans will take you. With that being said..... my plans for this entire year seem to have taken a different direction. And one that I'm okay with. :) I won't go into any details (mostly because there's not much), but I will not be going to Kenya in June as originally planned. And I won't be going through the paramedic program that was starting this July. Here I thought everything was planned out perfectly and was exactly what God wanted, and then He's showed me that He has something even better waiting for me. :)

So, where have I been for the last month?! Well, nowhere really. I've been working like a crazy lunatic like always. ;) I did start a new job (in addition to the ambulance) and I'm enjoying it quite a bit! It's been exactly 4 weeks since I started working at Dunn Bros Coffee. So yes, I can make almost any coffee you could want. ;) It's right next to where I live, which is extremely handy. I'm sure once it warms up some I'll be walking to work instead of driving. :) Anyway, I didn't really need a second job, but it's something totally different (definitely stress free!), and I enjoy making people's coffee....and making their day! Cause we all know how grumpy some people can get when they don't get their coffee on time. ;) hehe. So, whenever I'm not working on the ambulance, I'm usually at the coffee shop. Which means, I work pretty much every day of the week. Thankfully, I do have my evenings off and I still find time to run. :)

Amazing thing happened a few weeks ago. I had my first real baby delivery at work. :) It's a pretty rare thing to happen. My partner has seen 4 in his career, but one guy said the last time he delivered a baby was in 2005. Crazy, right? Usually we get them to the hospital on time. This baby was already coming when we got on scene. Anyway, long story short, many things went wrong on that call, but thankfully both patients were doing good at the hospital. :) That was the highlight of my month I think. And not much has happened since then. :)

Anyway, I need to get ready for work. I work ambulance tonight and then have an hour off tomorrow (that is, if I get off on time) before time to be at the coffee shop. And then I'll get off at 2:30 and have the rest of the day free.......for running and a nap. ;) Hope everyone has a lovely night! :)

"Take my whole life and make it Thine"

"Lord, I give up my own plans and purposes, all my own desires, hopes and ambitions, and I accept Thy will for my life. I give up myself, my life, my all, utterly to Thee, to be Thine forever. I hand over to Thy keeping all of my friendships; all the people whom I love are to take second place in my heart. Fill me now and seal me with Thy Spirit. Work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost for to me to live is Christ. Amen."

Betty Scott penned these words while studying in college. She later served as a missionary in China, was married to John Stam, and when she was twenty-eight was beheaded (along with John) by Communist soldiers. I guarantee when she wrote that prayer, she did not expect to be martyred. Yet her prayer was that God's whole will would be done in her life at any cost. She was willing to give up everything to follow Christ. 

Are we able to pray that same prayer? Do we really want whatever God has for us even if it means dying for Him? Are we willing to put God first and everyone else second? Would we really give it all up to follow Him wherever He leads?

It's easy to read through the questions and say, "Oh yes, I would definitely do anything He called me to." But do we really stop to think what those questions mean and if put to the test, would we really stand strong? Or would we rebel and try to manipulate God's will to fit ours.

Ever since this past summer, these questions have been hanging over me and I've had trouble answering them. When I was young, I told everyone I wanted to be a missionary. Even before God saved me, I wanted to show God's love for others. Seems weird, right? But God was placing in my heart, even at that young age, a love to serve and help others. That never changed as I got older. When I was fifteen, God placed a huge burden on my heart for those in Africa. I wanted to go right away and serve, but He made me wait seven years before opening a door to Kenya. No matter what I did in those seven years, my goal was to one day serve in Africa. The reason I got into EMS was because I knew I could use those skills in Africa. The desire to serve there never faded or died, and because of that, I knew it was only a matter of time before I went. 

I know I have said before how meaningful my summer was and how it taught me so much. I thought for sure when I returned though that I would have a clear direction as to where God was calling me; remain in the States or serve more long-term in Africa. There was nothing like that. I came back not knowing what to really do, but trying to trust God for whatever His will was. It was a difficult semester as I prayed desperately for God to give me an answer, and yet not (seemingly at the time) to get one. Little did I know that God was answering my prayers those last few months, by making me see who I really was.

I'm not sure when it really hit me, but it's come on gradually how much I put others before God. Most of you know how extremely close I am to my family. I love them so much and absolutely love spending time with them. I love each and every one for how unique and wonderful God has made them. My siblings are some of my best friends. My parents are Godly examples I can look up to and hope to be more like someday. I will admit the hardest part about my summer was being away from them and not knowing what was happening in their lives. Now, this isn't a bad thing and I'm so thankful that God has given me such a wonderful family to love, but I also realize it has made me not wanting God's will to take me from them. What scared me the most was knowing that God could very well call me to missions and I didn't want to think of giving up my family. Am I selfish or what? I was wanting my family to be first and God to be second. I wanted God's will to be done in my life, but I wasn't willing to give up everything for it. Without even realizing it, I was giving God a "list" of things He could not include in His will for me. 

In a way, I was feeling like I would be giving up so much if I were to serve in Africa. I would have to give up my job, my friends and family, my life of ease and comfort, etc. I made it seem like I was giving up EVERYTHING! Surely God wouldn't call me to do that. But in the end, what would I be really losing? Nothing. I would still have my family and friends. Maybe life wouldn't be easy, but that would mean I was leaning more on Christ for strength and not looking to myself for it. Maybe I would have difficult times, but I know God would be there every step of the way. If He chooses missions for me, why shouldn't I be excited, happy, (and humbled!) that He would choose to use a poor, selfish sinner to show His love for others? 

I still don't know what God will call me to or where the next weeks, months, and years will lead me, but I do know that I will constantly strive to put Christ before everything and everyone else. My prayer is that He will always be first in my life no matter what, and that I would have the strength to follow Him wherever His will leads me.

When my life comes to an end, I want to have given everything I am in service to God. I want ALL glory to be given to Him. I want my life to reflect Christ and who He is and what He means to me. 

"For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away." (James 4:14). 

 

No matter how short or long my life may be, I want to make every second count by bringing the most glory to His name.

Well, for having so much free time, I've certainly been neglecting my blog. It's really been strange to be off work with absolutely nothing to do. Before, I was either studying, working, or sleeping. So, to be totally free with nothing that absolutely needs to be done, is kind of amazing. I really like all the sleep I've been getting. ;) Working only two nights a week hasn't been too bad either. They have been bad nights, but at least I have so many free days to catch up on sleep. Sunday morning after working all night, I came home and slept from eight to two in the afternoon! Apparently, I was a lot more tired than I had even thought. Tonight's my last day to sleep in my own bed for awhile. Starting tomorrow afternoon, I work 40 hours straight. I'll get off Friday morning, come back to the apartment to shower before heading down to Rolla. Then I'll come back Sunday night and get a good nights sleep (I hope!), work for 48 hours straight and then head home again. :) This will be my first Christmas away from home....hopefully, it won't be too bad. I just keep telling myself how much nicer it'll be for those with kids, to be home with them for Christmas. :)

I'm so looking forward to spending this weekend and the next with my family! I love all the good times we have :) Coffee dates are the best! And I love how extremely loud we all get when we're together. =) I love my family so much and can't imagine life without them. There's nothing better than when your family is your best friends. I'm so thankful that God put me in such a loving, happy family. :)

And she's back!!!!!!

I'm finally back! Today was my last final and I am so happy to be done with this semester. I only had seven credits, but boy was it crazy at times! There were many times I felt like I was going crazy, but it's over and I can finally relax! Oh, and by relaxing, I'm working all weekend. No party time for me until next week. :)

Work is as lovely as ever. Lately, there hasn't been as many overtime shifts, so I've been working normal 40 hour weeks. Which has really helped with my sanity. ;) We have been incredibly busy almost every shift though and that made getting homework done nearly impossible. Yesterday and last night there were some bad wrecks and a pedestrian vs. car that didn't end so well. We were dispatched around midnight this morning for a injury accident. Reading the notes it said that two patients were ejected from the vehicle. At that moment, I was thinking, "Yeah, right. Surely they weren't going fast enough on that road to be ejected." Anything is possible, and the pickup with our patient (and two others) rolled several times. The only one not seriously injured in the accident? The guy who was intoxicated. Even though the scene reeked of alcohol, we never smelled it on our patient. For having been ejected, she did not have very many noticeable injuries besides a few abrasions. We knew she had a brain bleed and we found out a couple hours later that her back was broken completely in half. I found out when I got to work this afternoon, that she had died. The other guy that was ejected is still in critical condition and was not expected to live very much longer either. Sad to think of the phone call those parents were getting early this morning. Be in prayer for these families and the pain they must be going through.

And now that I've probably made you all thoroughly depressed, I'll tell you about a very happy drunk. :) When we got in the back of the truck, my partner told him that if he were good, I would ride with him, if he were bad, he would have to ride with him. The happy drunk's comment was, "I'll be good, cause she's hot! I love her. She's the best Columbia has to offer!" Lol, after a little bit of this going on, my partner told him to behave because I was mean. Of course, the patient already knew this and stated, "Oh, I know! I saw it in her eyes." Amazing, you can see the meanness in my eyes. I've tried so hard to conceal it and now everyone can see it in my eyes! Oh boy, what will I do now. ;-) Yeah, I pretty much laughed on that entire call.

Well, I have completed my first ever 8 hour adventure race and I'm now totally addicted! Like I thought I wouldn't be. ;-) When I finished, my response was, "That was the most awful, fun thing ever!" And it truly was awful and fun. I had not biked nearly enough and was not ready for the millions of hills (I'm pretty sure they were little mountains) that we had to go up. I walked up most of the "hills"

-------------------------------------------------------------

Wouldn't you hate me if I had just posted that up without finishing? ;) It took me several hours to write that small little post, since I was writing reports and going on calls. My plan was to go ahead and finish it off once I got home from work, but then I was so tired that I went straight to bed. So now, I'm trying to finish it up. :) This morning we were busy with calls and then I desperately needed a nap this afternoon, so I got one and now that it's 1530, I'm ready to finish this up! ;)

So....where were we.....hills. Ok, so yep, I walked up most of the humongous "hills" that were very steep and seemed to go on forever. Seriously. I'm not even really joking. The guys biking up were barely going any faster than we were walking. And they were burning way more energy by trying to bike. BUT, best part ever? Coming down. =D Now that really gets your adrenaline going! On the paved roads, we got going really fast and it felt soo awesome! Besides being a little chilly. ;) The ending of our race, we were biking more on the trails, going up a ton more hills, and then coming down! If you've never done mountain biking, then you should. The last mile or two of the race was all downhill and that was extremely freaky. My bike chain came off once, but it was a quick fix and we were flying down the hill once again. Just imagine trying to ride really fast downhill, with tree roots sticking up, rocks at odd angles, people in your way, hairpin turns....and you get the general picture. ;) There were so many times that I thought for sure I was going to hit one of those roots, my bike was going to stop and I was going to go flying.....and probably break my neck in the process. Thankfully, that never happened and we all made it safely to the finish without injuries. I think it was the adrenaline from it all that made me love it so much. ;)

This is right after we crossed the finish line. We finished in 6 hours and 33 minutes, which wasn't too bad for being my first time. It was the perfect weather for a race, 40's in the morning and 60's by afternoon. It was cloudy all day which helped a ton with us not getting too hot.
So, a breakdown of the race.... We got to the park around 6 and proceeded to hang out by the start line, pretty much freezing to death. ;) Kenny, (2nd from right) kept saying, "Man, this really sucks. Why are we doing this?" We were all excited, nervous, and cold. The night before we had figured out the route we were taking to get all the checkpoints and so in the morning we had to figure out where we were and where the first checkpoint would be. We were allowed to get the checkpoints in whatever order we wanted to, but we had to make sure to get the right checkpoint marked on our passport. The checkpoints aren't marked as to whether they are 1,2,3etc, you just have to know which is which. Thankfully, these guys were awesome with direction and we never once got lost. So, for 3+ miles (not sure exactly on the mileage) we ran/trekked through the woods. Once we got all 9 checkpoints, we ran back to the start, picked up our bikes (well, not literally. We rode them;-) and we biked for 14.5 miles and picked up 11 other checkpoints. We then got off our bikes and trekked/ran 2 more miles to find 3 other checkpoints. Then we got back on our bikes and went 3.5 miles to where the canoes were at. There we had to put our bikes in the canoe with us and paddle 6 miles, stopping for 2 checkpoints along the way. Once we finished that leg, we had a gear check (you lose checkpoints for anything you're missing from you bag) and then it was back on the bikes for 5.5 miles and 7 or 8 checkpoints. It was a hard, fun race and I'm so planning on doing another before long. I'm being convinced to do a 12 hour race....we'll see about that. ;) I felt like I had to be holding the guys up the entire race, but they never said it and just told me that I was an "animal" (lol) and that I could race with them anytime. I guess I didn't do too terrible then ;)
There was Papa John's pizza after the finish which was really awesome. =) I wasn't very hungry, but I think the guy's were starving. Then we left soon after that and I made the little over two hour drive home. That is one of the hardest things about racing a few hours from where you live. Sitting for over two hours after that much of a workout on your legs, is quite the killer. That evening was extremely painful. My legs felt hot and they ached so bad when I tried walking that I felt like crying. (lol, and you're thinking I'm crazy to want to do another one;-), but by Sunday, I was doing a ton better and only had a few sore muscles. :) And by Wednesday, I was ready to sign up for another race. There's something really awesome about being so tired and worn out after just doing a big accomplishment. It feels so good even if it hurts like crazy! If you've never had this experience, then you're seriously missing out on a lot. :) So, now you all need to go sign up for a race! ;-)

Alright. I think that's all I'm going to write today. :) I'm gonna hope we don't get a call so I can call my mom. Aren't mom's just the best thing ever? I love mine. <3 br="br">

The light at the end of the storm

When you see this picture, what is the first thing that you think of? I took this yesterday when I was driving home from St. Louis. I came through some pretty nasty storms, but each time I got to the end of the storm, I got an amazing display of God's handiwork. It was so beautiful that it made me forget how bad the storm actually was. Before, the wind was blowing and it was raining so hard that I could only see a car length ahead of me. There were a couple times where I came close to hydroplaning and at times I wondered if I would actually make it through. I did a lot of praying and I felt at peace even though I had no clue what was going to happen in the next seconds, minutes, or even the next hour.
Every time, God brought me through safely and I realized, that this picture is like the storms of life that we go through. They aren't easy, they can be stressful, you may panic that it's too much, but God ALWAYS brings you through. What I love so much about this picture is that it can have so much meaning. You have the storm, but then you also have the light at the end.
In life, we go through many storms. Some harder than others, but every one of them teaches us something and in the end, we know that God was always there and He was the one gently guiding us through the entire time.
As I was driving through the bad part, I couldn't help but think how much I hate driving in storms. They really aren't the funnest thing and there was one point where I wished I never had to drive through a bad storm again. The storms we go through in life, are God's way of teaching us something. We may not know at the time why He is doing it or what is the purpose, but we do know that we can count on Him to guide us. He never gives us anything that is too difficult to accomplish. By His strength, we can get through every storm no matter how hard it may be. We shouldn't hate something just because it's hard. Instead, we should realize where our strength lies and depend on that to get us through.
The light at the end of the storm is like God's promise of being there for us. When I drove through and made it into the light, it shone through so brightly that I was almost blinded by it. (Literally, driving west when the sun is setting is pretty difficult because of the sun being right in your eyes). As the sunshine poured through my windshield, I felt safe, happy, and couldn't help but feel God's love for me as He had brought me safely through yet another storm. Even though that was a weather storm, it's the same for the storms we go through in life. God's love wraps around us and we feel safe and secure.

Sermons to start you day :)

Alright. So, I thought I could at least keep up with posting once a week, but clearly that didn't happen. Better late than never though, I guess. :)

A habit that I have recently started, is to listen to an Alistair Begg sermon while I get ready for work in the mornings. Most of you probably have time in the mornings to get up and have a quiet time to read you Bible. I'm usually up by 5 to shower and get ready for work, and so I don't think I would be very awake if I got up any earlier and tried reading (that usually puts me to sleep). So, my solution to the problem was to listen to sermons while getting ready. Make the most of the time you have right? :) It's actually been a huge motivator to get up that early. Normally, I have an extremely hard time getting up and I just want to ignore the fact that I have to work. Now I actually look forward to getting up because I love listening to the sermons. I just realized that I must sound like a commercial to you all.... Really wasn't planning to sound like that. In all honesty though, you guys should listen to Alistair Begg's sermons, just because they are that good. :) http://www.truthforlife.org/resources/sermon/call-potential-drifter/. This was the sermon I listened to this morning, very good and a reminder we all need. Also, another one that I really liked was this one: http://www.truthforlife.org/resources/sermon/dangers-jealousy/. So, you should check them out. The sermons aren't too long, just 30-45 minutes. Oh, and it's great to listen to them while driving. :)

Well, that's it for now. I was going to write more, but I'm at work and I'm going to eat some lunch and then work on homework. Fun! ;)

Hey, it's only been a week since my last post! I'm doing really good! I'm sure you're thinking the exact opposite.... ;) I think if I shoot for posting once a week, I may actually get it done. We'll see anyway.

This last week has been pretty good. I only worked 40 hours (woohoo!) and only had one test in class. :) My classes are going well, but I still have to force myself to study (I really hate that part about school;-) and try not bake every time I don't feel like studying. That's a terrible thing to do, but it's way more fun! I did it last night. I really should've been studying, but instead I decided to make granola, oatmeal raisin cookies, and banana muffins. Yeah, I don't just make one thing, I have to go all out! But, I did good and got rid of most of it instead of eating all that yumminess (is that even a word, or did I just spell it wrong?) myself. So, I got absolutely no studying done, which was what I was aiming for. Am I terrible or what?! It's amazing I even got through high school! Nathan and I did way too much talking and not of enough school done. Haha, normally school days, all the kids and mom were downstairs and Nate and I had the upstairs.....which meant I went into Nathan's room and distracted him from studying (I guess I was the real problem....not him). We would spend the entire hour or two that we had for math, and spend it talking. :) Such terribly good times! During the times that we were supposed to be doing typing, we learned Morse code instead. Then we were able to write each other letters and no one else could read them. It was fun, except that I don't remember any of it now. :) Ah, I love memories of younger days and home with the family. And I totally went off subject there, but I don't even care :)

Work has been rough/good. Last week, every shift seemed to be busy and most of the calls weren't critical. I know, I should be grateful for that. :) I used to love working Saturday's, but now I'm beginning to hate them. I work almost every Saturday and we have had a bad night each time. I was thinking this last weekend would be pretty good since we didn't have an MU home game, but no, we still were busy (almost) all night long. Makes for a rough Sunday since I normally have to choose after I get off work at 7, whether I'm going to sleep an hour before going to church, or if I'm going to stay up the whole time and try and make it till afternoon. Last Sunday, I ended up coming home and sleeping for six hours straight.... this week, I didn't feel as terrible, so I stayed up and made it till afternoon. I'm working a 24 again today and so far we've gone almost 17 hours with only 3 calls! I think that's a record for this truck. Made me worry a little bit that all of a sudden we were going to get slammed with a million calls.....really hoping that doesn't happen though, so I can get some sleep before class tomorrow. :) I've been averaging 5 hours or less of sleep for the past couple days and it's kinda wearing me out.....it's probably the reason why I'm starting to feel sick too. Yuck.

With that being said, it's almost midnight so I should hit the sack. :) Here's a song though that I've been listening to all evening and think is pretty awesome.....mostly because the guys sing it so well. :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2uduKMe5ps&feature=related